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Saturday, March 19, 2011

Story Revision

Have you ever said something about someone that you regret? When we’re angry or upset we tend to say things we don’t mean and we cross a line of trust, and that line becomes more obvious when you get caught.

A few years ago I was in a stressful situation because I found out that I had a serious eye condition caused by a mistake from a previous surgery that could cause me to go blind in one eye. Because of this I had to quickly schedule two surgeries in one month. This caused me to be figuratively blind to the fact that my family was being very helpful and supportive. The only thing I could focus on was myself and the fighting between them. All I was feeling was negative energy and this built up and continued to even after the surgery was done.

After I let this negative energy build up I unfairly unleashed it all onto my sisters and mainly the eldest one. Even though she graciously helped me wash my hair and took care of me when I couldn’t take care of myself. I am very grateful for that.

I was in the car with my friend and I decided I needed to rant and release all of the negative energy that was built up inside me. I said hurtful things and lashed out. Because of my tendency to bottle things up I unleashed everything that my sister had ever done in one giant rant. Every time I thought of something a picture of hate and regret formed in my mind. Unbeknownst to me my phone had decided to call her while I was ranting about her. This is where I realized I had crossed the line of trust between us. In my defense I immaturely claimed that everyone had a right to rant.

Things got out of control and our relationship hasn’t been the same since. We both hold grudges against each other and we are both too stubborn to talk to each other and talk it out. Everything that was said was just the result of unresolved feelings and problems that just built up over the years. It’s sad to say that the fake smiles in all of the pictures spoke more truth than the real ones ever did. It's like we've built stairs for each other to climb but laid out traps like holes for the other to fall into. I feel like if I apologize again I'd just be giving in and the whole process would repeat itself over and over and over again. I’m sorry I got caught, but I’m even more sorry that I said things that hurt her and betrayed her trust.

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